


Masquerade

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Gen, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10351677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: Spoilers for PretenseTag for Pretense





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Masquerade

##  Masquerade 

##### Written by ETS   
Comments? Write to us at SpeedNN@aol.com

 

Daniel was acutely aware he continued to protectively hover over, and guide, Lya as SG1 walked through the thinning vegetation toward the out-lying buildings of the Tollan capitol. The aborted Gou'ald attack on the planet had been thwarted by the "primitive" humans with the aid of the Nox woman supported by the guile of Teal'c. Daniel could just tell by Jack's posture, as the group was spotted by a relived Narim, that the SG1 commander was going to lord this over the technologically "superior" Tollan and milk it for as long as he could. Not that Daniel ascribed to bragging, especially where violence was involved, but in this instance.. maybe Jack had a point. Hopefully, Daniel prayed, Jack's smug attitude would not offend the Tollan to the point of breaking off all future contact with the SGC.

"Samantha," Narim addressed the blond major, relived. "When I could not find you.."

"Hey, in case you didn't notice, we just saved you and your planet," Jack cut in curtly, drawing the dark-haired Tollan's attention from Sam.

"Yes, colonel, we are well aware of what you have done. I have been sent by the High Chancellor to request your assistance. Since we are unable to discover what "the painting technique" used by the Gou'ald is, we were hoping-"

"That we could help you out," Jack completed with a smug smile. "Teal'c?" he addressed the Jaffa.

"I believe I may be of assistance, O'Neill."

"And I'll come as well, sir. I may be able to help, too," Sam volunteered.

"Ah, if its all the same to you, Jack, I'll stay here with Skaara," Daniel offered, releasing his hold on Lya as she moved away from the group. "I don't know anything about ion cannons and really don't want to know anything about them." Too late, did Daniel realize the snappish tone to his words. He only hoped his friends wouldn't register it, and let it slide. He had to keep his feelings and emotions under control, he scolded himself as he masked his face to look at the SG1 commander. He had to maintain his own masquerade that all was well with him and not let his friends know what this ordeal on Tollana was emotionally costing him.

Daniel saw Jack's expression turn from the smugness of besting the Tollan to concern about their young Abydonian friend. "Tell Skaara we'll be back as soon as we can." 

Knowing the depth of feelings Jack held for Skaara, Daniel suspected this decision was a difficult one for his friend to decide. The chance to gain intelligence and access to superior technology weighed against the well being of one young man. Daniel was secretly glad he didn't have to make that choice but truly believed Jack agreed to go with the Tollans because he knew Skaara would be safe with his brother-in-law.

The archeologist watched the group depart on their mission and he turned to enter the building where they had conducted the Triad. Unassisted, Daniel found his way back to their room, the same one O'Niell had ordered Skaara to stay in and wait for them when the Gou'ald attack had begun. He paused in the hallway with his hand raised to push open the closed door before remembering the doors here opened automatically. His emotions were once more threatening to come to the surface and he clenched his fist and closed his eyes, trying to rein them in. His feelings of joy at having found, and almost freeing, Skaara from the possessive hell of the Gou'ald Klorel were conflicted with the sorrow and the pain he still felt at the loss of Sha're. Add into this mix the anger he directed to the Tollans and the Tok'Ra who had kept hidden from him the technology that could have saved her. And then he felt immense guilt at placing the value of Skaara's life beneath that of his dead wife and shame at his selfishness and not rejoicing in Skaara's impending good fortune. Daniel opened his eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? He must find a way to deal with all of this. But it could wait until later. Skaara, alive, breathing and finally free of the Gou'ald, was all that mattered now. He resumed moving toward the chamber entrance and the doors swung open to allow him entry.

Skaara was waiting for him, sprawled, more than sitting, in a chair his young, tanned face lined with exhaustion. The device created by the Tollan to control the symbiont's influence on the host glowed bright blue indicating Skaara, indeed, was in command. He smiled weakly in greeting and struggled to stand. 

"No," Daniel said, walking over to the Abydonian. "Sit and rest. You'll need all your strength for the removal procedure." He hoped his returned smile was a reassuring one. 

"Where is O'Neill?"

"Ah, um, they've gone off to help the Tollan fix their ion cannons in case the Gou'ald decide to come back."

Feeling his bitterness rising, Daniel turned away from Skaara and walked over to study a free form, clear acrylic-like sculpture. He was momentarily unable to face his young brother-in-law without letting his anger, at the unfairness the universe had planned for his life, come out and, therefore, chancing that Skaara would think Daniel was angry at him.

"Can you forgive me, Danyel?"

The pain in Skaara's voice drew Daniel's attention from the sculpture back to the seated young man. "Forgive you, Skaara?" he repeated, confused as he walked over to kneel before the Abydonian.

"For trying to kill you," came the soft confession, as Skaara lowered his dark eyes in shame and guilt.

"Skaara, that wasn't you, that was Klorel," Daniel quickly assured placing his left hand on Skaara's right shoulder. "I don't blame you, or hold you accountable, for any acts committed while under his influence. And neither will your father. Kasuf will be overjoyed to have his son returned to him, alive. At least this promise I can keep," and Daniel forced a second smile. "Soon you'll be home in Nagada, brewing your moonshine, searching for a wife, fathering and raising your children. The life you told the Triad that being a host to Klorel was denied you."

"But I failed you, Danyel." At this, Daniel's smile faded and his brow furrowed in confusion prompting Skaara to continue. "I was not strong enough to protect Sha're. I could not keep her safe from the false god when he came to Abydos, nor, when she was chosen."

"Skaara, no one would have been strong enough," Daniel assured, lowering his own gaze to the shiny floor. "Besides, as her husband, protecting Sha're was my responsibility. I'm to blame for her fate. If I hadn't unburied the Stargate, if only both of you had come with us to the map room...."

"I know she is dead, Danyel."

Daniel jerked his head up, his pained gaze reflected that of Skaara's. "Yes, as is Ammaunet, the demon who possessed her," Daniel confirmed, his voice hollow, repeating the words he had spoken at Sha're's funeral. The two brothers in marriage remained silent for a time, looking at each other, their unspoken grief at this shared loss passing between them.

Of course, Klorel would know of the death of Ammaunet, Daniel berated himself. After all, the symbiont knew of the death of Apophis, which he had announced to SG1 upon their arrival on Tollana. Daniel guessed that also meant Skaara had also been aware of his sister's death, as Klorel was aware of Ammaunet's demise. The Triad had proven that something of the host remained despite the domination of the Gou'ald symbiont.

"But, you were strong enough to battle the demon inside you, Skaara. You've fought him and you've beaten him. Soon, you'll be free of him. You just have to hold on a while longer," and Daniel placed both of his hands on Skaara's shoulders, squeezing both in reassurance. In response, Skaara grinned before screwing his face in pain. "Hold on , Skaara," Daniel again encouraged. "Not much longer." Skaara nodded his head then the tanned skin of his face smoothed and he closed his eyes.

"I will try, Danyel."

A few silent moments passed. Daniel, remained kneeling and unmoving before the reclining Skaara, hoping his presence and physical touch was offering support to the young Abydonian. Skaara re-opened his eyes and faced his brother-in-law.

"Danyel, the Jaffa who took Sha're and me, the Shol'va, I see him at your side," and Daniel heard the confusion and disbelief in the words.

"Ahh, yes, Teal'c. I know what he's done in the past, Skaara, but now he's my friend. He fights with us to destroy the false gods."

"Do you wish me to forgive him, Danyel?" 

Daniel sat back on his heels. How to explain this? "Well, I've forgiven him. To hate is easy, to forgive takes great courage. But, that's your decision. I'd counsel you to at least speak with him if he approaches you. I know he feels deep pain and guilt for the acts he committed as the First Prime of Apophis. In fact, it was Teal'c who thwarted this Gou'ald attack on Tollana. As for myself, I trust Teal'c with my life."

Skaara favored Daniel with a small smile. "You are wise, Danyel, as I told the Tollan. I will try, for you."

Daniel nodded. Jack will be so pleased to have Skaara back again. To have fulfilled the promise he made to Daniel when they had returned through the Stargate from their first visit to Chulack. Jack had promised they would find Sha're and Skaara, and they had. Only this wasn't quite the outcome Daniel had envisioned for three years, the motivation that had kept him searching and going through the Stargate again and again. Now, with Skaara soon to be freed from the Gou'ald symbiont, and Sha're dead, what motivation did he have for going on? Daniel maintained his grip on Skaara's shoulders as he warred with his conscience. Finally, his decision made, he resumed speaking. "Skaara, do you know if Klorel has any knowledge of a place called Keb?"

Skaara's face screwed in concentration. As he waited, Daniel heard the door open behind them. "Only that it a place no Gou'ald will go. Why do you ask this, Danyel? "

Disappointed, Daniel stood, offering a hand to assist Skaara to his feet. "It's okay. It's nothing."

"The Tok'Ra have arrived and are ready to perform the procedure," the unfamiliar Tollan announced. He came over to guide Skaara to where the procedure to remove Klorel would occur. "You must wait and remain here," he instructed Daniel.

"I'll be waiting," and he offered Skaara a reassuring smile before watching the two leave.

Once alone, the smile quickly vanished as Daniel walked over to stand once more before the acrylic sculpture. He folded his arms before his chest tightly actually feeling himself trembling. This was so unfair!! he railed silently to the cosmos at large. Skaara would be alive and free while Sha're was gone from him forever, her body buried in the sands of Abydos. Not that he wanted Skaara dead....what was he thinking?

"Doctor Jackson?"

Daniel started at the call of his name, inhaled two deep breaths to calm himself before turning to greet this new arrival. When he did so, he saw Omac standing at the room's entrance, uncertainty evident in the Tollan's stance and tone of voice.

"Ahh, Omac," Daniel greeted, lowering his crossed arms before moving toward the older Tollan, relieved his voice sounded welcoming. He then realized he was pleased to see the Tollan scientist again. Omac's parting words 'perhaps, in time, we'll meet again' flashed through Daniel's memory. Daniel recalled, once he had finally broken through the Tollan's obstinate barrier of non-cooperation on top of Cheyenne Mountain in the star filled darkness, the linguist actually saw a man of great learning whom Daniel would have been honored to be tutored by. But, sadly, Daniel had never expected to see Omac again. That is until, SG1 was brought here to the new Tollan home planet.

"I was uncertain at first that it was you."

"Oh," Daniel replied, coming to stand before the new arrival. Then he smiled. "Probably the hair," he said, reaching up a hand to brush over his head. "It's much shorter than when we first met."

Omac held out his right hand to Daniel. "I believe this is the custom among your people when two acquaintances meet."

"Oh, ah, yes," and Daniel reached out to clasp Omac's offered hand tightly. "Yes. Historically, on our planet, it began as a gesture between two adversaries to demonstrate they carried no weapons. Then it evolved into a greeting to show honor and respect."

The two men released their handshake. "That is very interesting," Omac commented. 

The Tollan's harsh features soften and a ghost of grin appeared on his bearded face, then disappeared, as he moved further into the room. His outstretched hand motioned to two chairs, indicating they should sit. "I had only recently heard you were on Tollana or I would have been here sooner to greet you. I wanted to come and again offer my gratitude for what you did for my people," Omac explained, as he sat watching Daniel do the same.

"You mean in saving your planet. Well, actually that was mostly Teal'c's doing with a little deception from Lya." 

"Yes, I'm grateful for that as well, but that's not what I was referring to," Omac clarified and a moment later realization came to the human. 

"Oh, no," Daniel denied, raising his hand. "I did what was right. Someone shouldn't be thanked for that."

"Nonetheless, you placed yourself in danger to aid in our escape from your world. You were willing to sacrifice much for people you knew nothing about. I was concerned that you were punished for your actions once we departed through the Stargate with the Nox. I remember hearing your Colonel Maybourne threatening you as we left."

"Well, thankfully, he's not my Colonel Maybourne. And certain members of our government wanted to remove me from the project for what I did, but I have powerful friends."

"Yes, the Nox among them. When we arrived on their homeworld, and we told them you were responsible for our being there, they were not surprised. They spoke very highly of you, especially Ofer, one of the Nox elders."

Daniel was amazed, his blue eyes growing larger behind his glasses as his brows arched. "Really?"

"You're surprised to hear this."

"Well, yes. Remember, I told you the Nox considered us very young and primitive and weren't much interested in sharing any of their knowledge, or culture, with us. I think they were more annoyed at our presence, and our violent ways, and really just wanted us to leave their planet." 

"You're still very perceptive, Doctor Jackson," Omac stated. 

"Yes, well the Nox also said the very young do not always do as they're told," Daniel recited, turning his head to gaze at the closed door. 

"You seem distracted."

"I'm sorry," Daniel quickly apologized, refocusing on the seated Omac. "So, . when we first met, you told us you knew of the Gou'ald. And... you neglected to tell us you also knew of the Tok'Ra."

Omac smiled, his eyes twinkling. "Always seeking knowledge, always asking questions. If you recall, you never asked me about the Tok'Ra."

"Right," Daniel conceded, grinning. "We actually met the Tok'Ra the following year."

"It's the Tok'Ra who have kept us appraised of your exploits as you continue to travel through the stargate."

"They do. Unfortunately, they always neglect to tell us what they're up to. And they never talk to us unless they want something from us." Daniel looked at his folded hands as they rested in his lap. "I suppose you can't tell me what exactly is involved with this symbiont removal procedure?" he asked, hopeful.

"If I knew, perhaps. However, I strongly believe the Tok'Ra should be the ones to reveal that knowledge, if they chose to do so."

"Ahh, well we can safely assume they'll choose not to." 

"Perhaps they would, if you asked it of them. I'm certain the Tok'Ra see the same as I. Your actions have proven you are an honest, compassionate and moral man. Someone who wishes only to learn for the betterment of all. If only more of your kind were as you are."

"Well, thanks, but I don't feel very moral or compassionate at the moment."

Omac was again confused. "I don't understand?"

"Nothing," Daniel quickly replied, berating himself for letting his anger and self-pity seep out. He had to maintain control. Here was an opportunity for him to gain valuable knowledge from the Tollan, or, at the very least, keep open the channels of communication with the advanced culture just in case Jack was at this very moment haranguing the Tollon. There was more at risk here than his feeling sorry for himself. "Ahh, I don't suppose you could share with us how Skaara's monitoring device works, how it controls the Gou'ald, or how it was made?"

Omac only grinned, remaining silent. 

"Right. Well, I had to try. I see you've built your own Stargate," Daniel plunged on. "Very impressive. It's not made of naquadah, is it? Narim told us the Nox helped you to build it so they must have gotten the knowledge and technology from the Asgaard since the Ancients all used naquadah. I didn't see a DHD? How do you operate it?" 

Omac continued to remain silent, his grin becoming a fetching smile of amusement. 

"Okay," Daniel surrendered, raising his hands. "Okay, I'll shut up. I just meant for you to understand how frustrating this is for us. All this knowledge and technology dangled before us, but always denied us."

"As we have told you in the past, Doctor Jackson," Omac began patiently, as if he was dealing with a difficult child, but Daniel interrupted him.

"Yeah, your policy of not sharing technology with primitives," he finished the litany. "Well, I can see your point of view, I really can. I have problems myself with giving the key to the weapons locker to someone I'm not convinced would use it wisely, or for the betterment of all."

"That is most enlightening of you, Doctor Jackson."

"Just because that's my belief, doesn't mean it's shared by everyone I work with. I should warn you, Jack is probably at this very moment, pestering your technicians and Narim for information while they all work on your ion cannons."

"Yes, he's a warrior. That behavior is expected from those like him. Yet, just now, you asked only for technology that could help, not destroy."

"That doesn't mean I disagree with Jack and his goals of finding advanced technology for us to use in protecting our planet from the Gou'ald, or anyone else we find out there who may threaten us. I believe in peace, I really do. But as Jack has often said, sometimes we have to be strong enough to defend ourselves against those who don't want peace, only domination."

"You could cease your travels through the Stargate until your people were capable of better defending yourselves," Omac suggested.

"You have a point," Daniel conceded, "but we can't. We've made ourselves well known to the Gou'ald. They know where we are and we can't hide. They'll come for us someday. We only want to be prepared to defend ourselves."

"Perhaps. However, your people were not as forthcoming with us when we visited your planet," Omac declared. 

Daniel was confused, his forehead lined. "Sorry?"

"You never told us you were the ones who destroyed Ra, nor that you warred with Apophis and aided in the recent destruction of Sokar."

"And lets not forget Hathor," Daniel added, not able to hide his satisfaction with their successes against the Gou'ald.

"Nor that friends of yours had been unwillingly blended with Gou'ald symbionts," Omac continued as if Daniel had not spoken.

"Ah, you must mean Skaara."

"And your deceased mate," Omac added. At the look of pain passing quickly over Daniel's face, Omac's own bearded face expressed sympathy. "I understand now why this is so personal for you Doctor Jackson. Why you tried to kill Apophis while on the Nox world, why you seem to have a hatred for the Gou'ald."

Daniel lowered his eyes, feeling his face blush. "Yeah. I suppose the fact I'd have no hesitation in killing a Gou'ald symbiont makes you think less of me."

"No, Doctor Jackson. It allows me to better understand you." Omac leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. His now intense eyes focused on Daniel. "I sympathize with your plight. Yet, despite your personal pain, you still strive for knowledge that would only better yourself and your planet." Omac leaned back into his chair. "You Tau'ri are a stubborn people, Doctor Jackson, you perhaps the most stubborn of them all. I believe you will one day obtain the technology you desire. I also believe one day I will be honored to share the culture and history of the Tollan people with you. You must first, however, learn patience."

They heard voices in the outer hallway becoming louder as they neared and this effectively ended their conversation. Both men stood and turned to watch as the door opened and the remaining members of SG1 entered the room accompanied by Narim, the High Chancellor Trevell, and Lya. Daniel addressed his friends.

"Done already?" he asked.

"Naw, they only wanted Teal'c and Carter to show them how to fix a few then took it from there, " Jack answered. "Obviously, they don't want us to see what their precious cannons look like close up. And they weren't too happy that Teal'c had learned their firing sequence. Which has now been changed, by the way." Jack wore a long-suffering look of frustration. "Repeated viewing of the innards, and who knows, Carter or Teal'c may figure out how they work and we might be able to build one on our own." Jack's sarcasm earned him a long-suffering look from the Tollan leader.

"Now, Colonel O'Neill," the High Chancellor began, "I have told you several times how grateful we are for your assistance. But we cannot---"

"Cannot share your technology with the primitives, like us humans. So you've told us. Repeatedly."

The High Chancellor smiled her knowing, condescending smile.

"So, Daniel, where's Skaara," Sam asked coming to stand beside her teammate.

"They took him for the procedure some time ago. They wouldn't let me go with him."

Jack smirked. "The Tollan, the Tok'Ra, two peas in the same pod."

"Ahh, Jack, you remember Omac," Daniel said, introducing the older Tollan, and hoping to keep everything civil before Jack's mouth ruined it all.

"Yeah, I remember," and Jack held out his right hand. 

Omac shared a knowing look with Daniel and took the offered hand in his own. "Doctor Jackson has explained this gesture to me."

"Oh, good. That's why we keep him around."

"Jack," Daniel snapped.

Jack looked immediately contrite. "Sorry," he apologized to Daniel, ending his handshake with Omac. "Actually, Daniel is the reason we keep out of a lot of trouble," Jack praised, hoping to smooth things over.

The older Tollan nodded in agreement then turned to address Daniel. "I offer you again, my gratitude, Doctor Jackson. And my hopes for the well being of your friend during this trying time for you." He smiled at Daniel. "I have enjoyed our talk. We will met again, one day."

Nodding to the High Chancellor, Omac departed, followed by the other Tollans and Lya leaving the four members of SG1 alone.

"Daniel?" Jack asked when the door was closed. "And what was that all about, if I may ask?"

"Oh, Omac came to say thanks for helping his people elude Maybourne's clutches," Daniel explained as he resat. "But, I have the feeling Omac has a way lot more influence around here than he's let on to us."

"Big surprise there," Jack quipped.

"You think he may be a member of the Tollan Curia, their governing body?" Sam asked, as she sat in Omac's vacated chair.

"Its possible," Daniel answered. "I was actually glad to see him again," and he removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes.

"Well, that's wonderful Daniel, that you've cracked open the door a bit further," Sam said. "At least the Tollan haven't told us to leave and never come back ,or break off all contact. They have given us their gate address as a show of their gratitude in keeping their planet from being blown to bits."

"Yeah, I tried to find out how it works without a DHD. As you can guess, Omac revealed nothing."

"Way smarter than we are," Jack added, also sitting. "But ours is still bigger. Good work, Daniel."

"Well, it kept my mind off other things," Daniel muttered, leaning back and closing his eyes.

He didn't see Jack share a concerned glance with Carter. Teal'c remained statue-like beside the closed door.

"Skaara will be okay, you'll see," Jack encouraged, leaning over to lightly touch Daniel's right arm. 

Daniel straightened up replacing his glasses on his face. Damn it, he had to get control of himself here. Then the door opened once more and the Tollan, who had earlier escorted Skaara from the room, entered. 

"The process has been completed. The host, Skaara, is asking for the one named Daniel Jackson."

Daniel stood and looked at Jack waiting for the okay. "Go on. We'll wait here."

Nodding, Daniel followed the Tollan out into the hallway.

"Sir?" Sam asked, her intelligent face mirrored with worry, when Daniel was gone.

"Yeah, I know. He thinks we don't know what this is doing to him, that he's keeping it hidden from us. We'll talk later, I can guarantee it."

****

"The Tok'Ra completed the procedure," Daniel announced, very relieved and pleased, a short time later as he burst into the room where his teammates waited. In the interim, Narim, High Chancellor Trevell and Lya had rejoined the remaining members of SG1. 

Daniel was followed by two Tok'Ra carrying a clear container of fluid in which the Gou'ald Klorel floated. SG1 let them pass and they exited the room by another doorway. The three teammates turned as one when Skaara, now garbed in Tok'Ra clothing, bounded into the room, his tan face ablaze with a dazzling smile of victory. He was free at last. 

Followed closely by Daniel, Skaara moved quickly to be embraced by a smiling O'Neill, then Carter and then he came to Teal'c. Daniel guessed by the stiffening of Skaara's body that his brother-in-law was remembering the Jaffa's past grievances. Then he saw Skaara hold out his hand to Teal'c in friendship. Blinking his eyes rapidly, Daniel knew he had to get away to a private place and get himself composed. He and Skaara had already celebrated their moment of bittersweet success. Now it was time for the young man to renew his ties with the rest of SG1, especially Jack. As the happy group moved away, talking amongst themselves, Daniel slowly backed up and moved into the corridor. Someone, however, had seen him leave.

Daniel moved into the deserted corridor and turned to his right. The Triad chamber was nearby and he doubted anyone would be inside so that was where he would go. His guess had been right, as Daniel heard the door of the chamber slide closed behind him a moment later. The room was deserted. He stumbled to one of the empty chairs placed before the table, where he and Jack had sat in their role of archons, and fell heavily into it. He took off his glasses and laid them on the table then buried his face in his hands. The hot tears trickled down his cheeks and the small sobs freely came. All he could see in his mind's eye was Sha're, radiant in her beauty smiling at him, instead of the jubilant Skaara from just moments before. God, what was wrong with him? Skaara was alive and free and all he could think of was Sha're, and his pain and grief at losing her. Why had he been denied the means to save his wife as well as Skaara? His arms fell to rest crossed on the table followed by his head squeezed into the crook of his left elbow He didn't even move a moment later when he felt the compassionate touch of hands lightly resting on his back.

"Daniel?"

 

Not moving, Daniel thought if he ignored whoever it was, maybe they'd go away. He heard the soft rustling of cloth as the visitor sat in the second empty chair and the gentle touch returned to his back.

"Daniel, I have been observing you so I am aware your being cries out in anguish. I came here to find you most troubled and sad." When Daniel still refused to respond, Lya continued in her soft sing song voice. "I grieve for your loss, Daniel. I grieve for the pain your gentle being has been forced to endure since our first meeting."

"Please," Daniel choked, "I need to be alone." His request was muffled against the jacket sleeves covering his folded arms.

"No, I can not leave you when you need comfort. It is not our way." The moments passed, Lya watching the grieving human, her face radiating soft compassion. "We Nox are a long lived race, but we still do know the ache of loss of those with whom we share a bond. I sense your mate's being was as kind and gentle as your own. You were well matched."

"How?" Daniel asked, despite his sorrow. "Are you psychic?" he continued, repeating the unanswered question he had put to Ofer three years earlier.

"I am unfamiliar with that word, but the boy, Skaara, spoke of your bond in Triad. As for the other, the Nox know, we sense the energy of life and those forces that affect it."

Daniel exhaled a long sigh as he tried to ignore her words. But he knew if he wanted to be alone, he would have to speak to Lya and hopefully convince the Nox woman of his need for solitude and she would leave. He lifted his head from where it rested on his folded arms and rubbed away the moisture still trickling from his eyes and glistening on his cheeks. He did not look at his visitor choosing instead to fix his blurred vision on his clasped hands resting on the table and to leave his glasses where he had earlier set them.

"Your,..your sympathy is very kind," he managed to say in a hoarse whisper.

A small grin quirked her lips. "It is a small gesture in kind for your care and concern for my well being during the Gou'ald attack."

"Well, I hope I didn't offend you. I know you're quite capable of defending and protecting yourself."

"No offense, joy. You've learned to follow other ways, besides fighting and violence, to protect the sacredness of life."

"I couldn't save, or protect, Sha're," Daniel stated flatly, briefly wondering why he was revealing his hurt to the Nox woman.

"No," Lya sadly agreed. "But you saved the boy, Skaara. He was most fortunate to have one such as yourself capable of speaking for him in Triad. He was not the only one who was eloquent."

"Jack helped."

"Yes, but he couldn't easily control his passions, as you did, nor conceal his open hatred for Lord Zipacna."

"And you think I did? I hate the Gou'ald," Daniel said, his voice tinged with the anger he felt. "I've killed Gou'ald symbionts. I've killed Jaffa."

"Yes. But, for now, you fought with words, Daniel, not weapons of destruction, and defeated the Gou'ald. That is why ones such as yourself are so needed. The Nox will be pleased to hear of your success here and how you gained it. Ofer, especially. He often says you have great potential for one so young."

 

Daniel turned his head to focus his red rimmed eyes on Lya. "I suppose, that's...something, But, really, I'm not worthy of your praise." 

The Nox woman only smiled, expressing her disagreement on this. Daniel looked away once more so he did not see Lya glance behind them as she stood. 

"Can you not share your grief and draw comfort and strength from your friends, Daniel?"

"In time, but not now. They're the last ones I need to bother with this. Jack is very fond of Skaara and, well, I haven't seen him this happy about anything since I've known him. How can I ruin that for him?"

"Maybe you should let me decide that." At the sound of Jack's words, Daniel jumped from the chair and nearly stumbled over it as he turned to find the source. "So, you think you can just wonder off and be alone and hurting and not tell us where you're going?" Jack continued, as he walked into the hearing chamber followed by Sam and Teal'c.

Lya bowed to them. "I leave him with you," she said, before she began to move away.

"Lya," Daniel called. She paused and turned to look at him. "Thank you." She nodded again and resumed walking, favoring Teal'c with a nod as he stood by the door, waiting for it to close behind her departing form before he came to join the group. 

"You know, Daniel, the colonel's right," Sam said, as she sat in the chair just vacated by Lya. "You can't hide your pain from the three of us, yet you keep trying."

Daniel also resat, as Jack pulled over Zippy's chair and sat in it. Teal'c, as always, choose to remain standing. "Okay, what gave me away?" Daniel asked, surrendering and knowing he would have to say something as Sam wrapped her hands around his right one.

"Well, that "accident waiting to happen" comment when we got here was my second clue," Jack answered. "How you were so eager and insistent to get here and get this Triad thing started, was my first, not giving us any time to talk about how this would affect you before we came through the Stargate."

"Oh," Daniel sighed, rubbing at his stinging eyes with his left hand. Everyone remained silent, and Daniel knew it was because they were waiting for him to continue speaking, to voice his feelings, to say what was really bothering him. "Why couldn't the Tollan, or the Tok'Ra, have given me the means to save her, Jack. Why is that asking too much?"

"I can't answer that, Danny. Why is Charlie dead and my marriage to Sara destroyed?" At this Daniel immediately turned to face Jack. The older man rarely talked about his deceased son. "It's life, Danny. And shit happens in life to good people, like you, who certainly don't deserve it. As for the technology thing, well, we just have to keep on trying. You have to keep on trying. You are not a quitter. And I know, you feel like crap right now and this isn't really what you want to hear but you need to hear it."

"You're right," Daniel concurred, turning away from Jack again to stare at the tabletop. "I'd rather sit here, preferably alone and feel sorry for myself."

"Feeling sorry for yourself is okay, for awhile. Being angry is, too. The alone thing isn't," Jack stated, scooting his chair closer to Daniel's left side so he could lay his hands on Daniel's left forearm. Sam tightened her hold on his right hand, adding her own physical touch of support.

"You have to hang on to the good stuff, Daniel, like saving Skaara, and let go of the bad stuff, like feeling cheated. And don't ever, ever-let go of your memories of Sha're. You know, sometimes now I think you use her memory to motivate you."

"Is that so wrong," Daniel replied hoarsely.

"No." Jack remained silent for a moment, looking over to Carter. Then he continued. "Daniel, I meant what I said to Omac earlier. You do a lot of good out here," and he lifted his right hand to wave it around the Triad chamber. "And it's being noticed. Take today. You save Skaara with your words and your intellect, like Lya said. You certainly put Zippy in his place. God, that was great to watch. You make a big impression on High Chancellor Trevell. You were all she talked about while we were out and about earlier. You make nice with the Tollan and the Nox all the while being torn up inside because you were never given a chance like this to save Sha're. Carter, did I leave anything out?"

"No, sir," and she squeezed Daniel's hand.

"So, feeling any better?" Jack asked, hope filling his question.

"No," Daniel answered and he turned his head to look at the older man to see Jack was truly crestfallen. "But, thanks anyway," he said, reaching over to get his glasses. At his movement, Jack released his hold on Daniel's left forearm. Setting the lenses on his nose, Daniel continued. "Thanks for finding me and being here and being concerned. I know, I shouldn't hide from you guys when I need to, to..well." 

"Daniel," Sam said, "You know we're here for you."

"I know," he said, nodding his head before rising to stand, a renewed determination evident in his bearing. "Where's Skaara?"

"Waiting at the stargate with the Tok'Ra to say goodbye," Jack answered, also rising to stand. Sam did likewise, releasing Daniel's hand.

Daniel was confused as he addressed Jack. "What? He's not coming with us?"

"Not just yet. Seems the Tok'Ra want to pick his brain for information before they let him go home to Abydos. Payment for their assistance in removing Klorel." Jack had a 'as if we should be surprised' expression on his face.

Daniel's confusion metamorphosed immediately into concern. "They will let him go back to Abydos?"

"Well, I don't know, Daniel. He may need someone like you in his corner, debating his rights with the Tok'Ra High Council. They won't listen to me. Let's face it. I was pretty useless at this Triad thingy. You were the one who swayed the ruling in Skaara's favor and against Klorel."

"No, Jack, " Daniel denied. "We did it together. And Skaara will be going home to Abydos. I promised him, I promised Kasuf," he declared with great emphasis as SG1 moved as a group from the Triad Chamber into the hallway. 

"That's my linguist," Jack crowed.

The group walked on quietly until they exited the building and entered the damaged plaza. Already the Tollan people were busy repairing the destruction from the earlier Gou'ald attack.

"So, Jack, the High Chancellor was really impressed by me?" Daniel asked, sheepishly. He still found it difficult to accept praise for doing what he considered any moral being would, and should do. 

"Oh, yeah, couldn't get her to shut up. Am I right, Teal'c?"

The until then silent Jaffa nodded his head once. "You are, O'Neill."

Daniel felt comforted as Jack laid his left arm casually over his shoulders and upper back as they crossed the plaza nearing the Stargate and the small group waiting there for them. "I'm telling you Danny, you've got a woman on every planet. I don't know how you do it."

Daniel forced a smile at the light-hearted, teasing comment knowing it for what it was: Jack trying to cheer him up. He'd play along, keep up this masquerade. He was grateful for the support of his friends, his family. But, maybe later, when they were back at the SGC, Daniel could hide in his lab and pretend to be working but, instead, silently grieve for his loss. Some things, some hurts, were just too personal to share with his well-meaning and caring friends. Only solitude and introspection could offer him some relief. And this self-pity, that had to go. Daniel didn't like seeing it in others and he was ashamed to see it in himself. He saw Skaara wave to them as they approached and he waved back. Yes, he would grieve, but he would also celebrate his gains. Its what Sha're would want him to do.

The End

  


* * *

>   
> © February 9, 2001  
> The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


* * *

  



End file.
